18.03.14

It was a Tuesday and it was early. Super early. Earlier then what i was used to. Normally when i’m up that early it’s because i haven’t slept at all, but this day was different. I’d had an hour or so nap and had been woken by something or another. I’d had a rough night and felt like crap. 

It’s a rare occasion when i’m awake so early. In light of that we decided to have breakfast out. We took the 20-30 minute car ride to a favourite restaurant of ours, The Carvery. 
I threw a comfy jumper, leggings and my boots on. My hair was a mess; unmanageable and resembled that of a birds nest. The only think possible was to scoop it into a bun and sprits some hairspray on it. You columnist get a brush through it let alone style it into something half decent. I looked in the mirror. Someone starred back blankly. is that me?. It didn’t look like me. In fact if i hadn’t recognised the clothes, i could of sworn it was someone else -a stranger stuck in my bathroom mirror. She was pale and cold, her eyes deep and dark like huge craters lodged in her head. 
Having the rude awaken that my eyes compared that of corpse’ bride, i was persuaded to dab some concealer on. I applied some with the tip of my finger and as quickly as i applied it, it absorbed into my skin without a trace. “Sod it”, i thought to myself. There was no point. I tucked up into my coat and we headed out. 
The weather duplicated me. The sky -a thick blanket of misery. A sheet of cloudy cold weather hovering over me. Both figuratively and literally. Atleast we’re on the same page, i thought. As the engine roared into action we set off through town and onto the motorway. I put my earphones in and tuned out. 
The middle sections of our journey always seems the longest. Not the middle of any journey or route but the middle of this particular route to get to the restaurant. We go past the Sittingbourne junction and it takes forever to get to the next junction, Faversham. Almost as though time stands still and its a never ending cycle that is forced upon us. It’s identical to my health in many ways. A never ending rollercoaster ride. Just when you’ve reached a turning point you realise there’s still a long way to go. 
Precisely 28 minutes later we arrived. Sat and enjoyed a traditional British breakfast. A plate of grease in all its glory, washed down with a brew. As the day went on my belly whined and moaned at all the junk i’d bestowed on it. Maybe it weren’t such a good idea after all. 
After that greasy trip out i reunited with my cosy pyjamas and retired to my bed where i curled up and didn’t plan on moving until i’d sufficiently renewed my energy with enough disney classics’ movies. 
Cheerio for now!

Where should i start?

I’ve been in the blogosphere for around 2-3. Flitting from private blogs, to bigger platforms, Different concepts, you name it! It all started as just a pass time, something I enjoyed doing but never expected anything from it.

I recently had a lot of difficulties with a different blog platform that I’ve been with for the past year. Coming to the realisation that the platform werent for me, i decided to start a fresh and pop on back over here. Not only was it not for me but i also realised that i weren’t writing for me no more. I was constantly caught up on what other people wanted to hear and so i was always conscious whether it would be a liked post by my readers or not.

I get that to a certain extent you have to take your readers into consideration but at the end of the day wants the point in doing something that doesn’t make you happy no more? When its more of a burden then something you enjoy? I decided to pull that plug and get back to where i started, which is right here, on this platform.

This little space of the internet is my own to do what i wish with it. I don’t know what it will become or what you’ll find on here from time to time; sometimes my mind seems to wander a little all over the place. Moreover I’m a spoonie (more to come on that) and the scheduling of posts that’ll be put up on here, is going to be a little all over the place also so bear with me folks!

Cheerio for now! 

St. Leanne

Ever since i was little I’ve always wanted a dog. To be more precise -a black labrador. Since my parents divorced when i was a tot, its been just me and my mom in a typical three-story townhouse, with little-to-none garden, located in the centre of my hometown. As a result of it just being the two of us, wherever my mom went i went too and in a way i became her sidekick. 
i grew up actively involved in a stage school community where everyone seems to get to know each other pretty quickly. Strangers become familiar faces, familiar faces become friends, and then friends became unbiological family whom even to this day i hold dear, cherish and trust more so then some of my own family members. Our stage school consisted of three branches set up in different locations around our local area, one of which where my mom would help out with paperwork on Fridays. This is where we met Leanne. Leanne was an average build woman. She was kind, talkative, and was always had a smile on her face or was laughing her head off. Around the time i got to know her she had the gold Dolce & Gabbana Motorola, which i absolutely adored. As a fellow only-child, she also contaminated me with OCS (only child syndrome) and before i knew it i had my very own gold D&G motorola. Within an instance of meeting Leanne and her family, a friendship had forged for life and so, with that lots of memories too. 
One Saturday at the beginning of February 2007 i walked into my stage school, having been dropped off by my nan, expecting it to be a normal day of singing & drama workshops. Instead i walked into a room, greeted by my mom flapping with excitement, to be told that we were getting a black lab. i was ecstatic! i didn’t know what to do. So many mixed emotions, it was a little difficult to control myself. Singing and Drama workshops seemed to drag that day and i couldn’t wait to get out of there to hear more about my pup, though there was bad news. The lady whom we were getting it from, had been out when we’d enquired about the pup and said we’d have him, she had came home to find that her partner had already sold him without realising the pup was already spoken for. 
After receiving the news, my heart shattered and a dark cloud formed above me. I was moody and snapped at anyone who dared to cross my path. After that moment Leanne and my mom scoured high and low for a litter of black pups, until a few days later Leanne pulled through and we made the fifteen minute journey to the lady who was selling them. In my mind it was a done deal before we’d even got there. We decided on this little chubb of black fur. I say chubb but he was just like any other pup just with abnormal amount of loose skin and huge paws -the amount of times people would exclaim that he’d grow into a big dog! I named him Myles. My mom wanted Sonny, but it just didn’t suit him. 
Overtime and on into my years of secondary school, me and Myles fell into a routine of our days. Before school my mom would drive me to the strawberry fields just along from my school and id walk around the fields with him. I’d then take him back to the car and collect my bag before walking along to school and hear the echo of him crying, as he watched me walk off. After school i’d walk home and greeted at the door by a panting, slobbering lab eager to say hi and be fed his supper. We’d head down and both have dinner, he his doggy biccys and me my legendary microwave pizza. We’d then settle in my bedroom, as i did my coursework and he proceeded to lay all over my array of papers sprawled across my bed. 
This routine lasted until September 2010 when i came down with a mystery illness, which was later diagnosed as multiple chronic illness’. After that my health spiralled downhill, and i soon had to drop out of education, rely on a carer around the clock as well as a wheelchair when i left the house and became completely housebound and bed bound. My home became my hospital, the walls of my bedroom became my prison cell and i was sentenced for who knew how long. Through this period of time, things became tough and i started to slip into a dark frame of mind. Throughout this time Myles became my guardian angel. He became highly sensitive to how i was feeling, and so whenever i was having a particularly dark day he wouldn’t leave me side and became my shadow. He no longer climbed onto my lap but instead curled up next to me with only a paw and his head resting on my leg; Hoping somehow his love would cure me. We’d sit together as i prayed for someone, somewhere to make me better, i didn’t care if i was completely cured or not, i just wanted even a small fraction of the pain away. Looking back i can see how, in fact, Leanne was actually the guardian angel sent to me as she led me to Myles. She’d led me to the greatest gift of all, and thats pretty special. 

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